The real struggle of NRI parents - when you have to bring up family and kids in another country. You get trapped between two different ideologies - one from the origin and other from kids' birth country. Culture cannot be as we choose per our convenience but it should be in its purest form. The biggest deal is the vast difference of approach in day to day activities.
Whatever we do, after some point, the thinking and attitude of the upcoming generation is determined by whom they are surrounded with. I am unsure of consequences to be faced in future but I am prepared. But we get caught in the state of confusion right from the beginning.
The lifestyle difference starts right from pregnancy and child birth.
You might have seen pampered pregnant ladies in your home town. Everyone helping and caring for the pregnant woman. Those delicious treats from relatives...But when you become pregnant in different country, miles and miles away from your native, all you can do is cry out those pregnancy hormones over phone to your mom & grand-mom.
After child birth, in India, special maids come to give massages to the new mom to help quick recovery. But here we have to come out of bed as soon as we come back home from hospital as only people who can manage kitchen & baby are your mom and you..and you have help your mom out!!! Oh yeah we get Super-woman praises...but only we know how painful it is!!!
When the baby is born the first question starts with if the babies can be given "Uraimarundhu"(traditional herbal dose given to new born in India). But we tend to stop our moms...If something happens we cannot explain what it is to the doctors here. Some of us least care about anything and give it. But everything goes puzzled!!!
Baby/Toodler food - Doctors do not know what is idly, rasam, dhal etc.. Mostly discussions with doctors go with ingredients than the dishes. Moms have to translate the discussions to match Indian foods. Same applies when they are sick. we get suggestions of rice crackers, jello, soup - How will I explain that idly & rasam are the best!!
Sleep training and Table manners - Two big open ended discussion topics for NRI moms.
I love cuddling with the baby and having him near me(even when I sleep). But we get advice of sleep training and NRI moms are victims of those advice. We do not have the tradition of having kids sleep in separate room. But some of us start following as we couldn't conclude. I can't sleep without my boys on my sides. Those bed-time kisses, hugs and rhymes cannot be replaced.
I feed my kids with hands. I carry them and walk around the tower to feed. I show them moon, trees, cars, dogs....I get weird looks from other country people. I do prefer this way than giving them phones & iPads!!!
Common Cold/stuffy nose: If no fever and just cold/stuffy nose, doctors do not treat for 2 weeks. In India we are used to doctors prescribing medicines for common cold. Our first few times goes with puzzled late nights as the kids suffer with stuffy nose and they cannot sleep.Then we get used to this and wait for two weeks before going to doctors.
Ok now the school!! - Teachers use the word "behavior" - right from the age of 3. They say his behavior is little bit off...he ran a lot & screamed a lot...we can work through it...What else the kids do!!..We nod our head and come back.
I remember an incident at Tharun's school. They have drop off & pick up sign-in process and parents have to sign up. One of the kids was crying that he wants the pen kept near the files..(those pens are may be 1$ use & throw pens). Both the parent and teacher struggling to stop the kid from asking the pen. If it would have been my mom/teacher, I am sure they would have given that pen as soon as the kid asked for it.
I still remember an incident at chuck e cheese during a B'day party. Tharun was on my shoulders(he was around 2years) and was touching balloons tied up on the next table. The person on that table called me "Excuse me, that is our balloon!!" haha....THE best incident of mine. I gave a stern look and told "I know!!!".
Two different societies - Ours is built of families..It is difficult to merge into a society built of individuals. Stuck in the vicious cycle of social pressures, it is a real struggle for us and is not oblivious...
Whatever we do, after some point, the thinking and attitude of the upcoming generation is determined by whom they are surrounded with. I am unsure of consequences to be faced in future but I am prepared. But we get caught in the state of confusion right from the beginning.
The lifestyle difference starts right from pregnancy and child birth.
You might have seen pampered pregnant ladies in your home town. Everyone helping and caring for the pregnant woman. Those delicious treats from relatives...But when you become pregnant in different country, miles and miles away from your native, all you can do is cry out those pregnancy hormones over phone to your mom & grand-mom.
After child birth, in India, special maids come to give massages to the new mom to help quick recovery. But here we have to come out of bed as soon as we come back home from hospital as only people who can manage kitchen & baby are your mom and you..and you have help your mom out!!! Oh yeah we get Super-woman praises...but only we know how painful it is!!!
When the baby is born the first question starts with if the babies can be given "Uraimarundhu"(traditional herbal dose given to new born in India). But we tend to stop our moms...If something happens we cannot explain what it is to the doctors here. Some of us least care about anything and give it. But everything goes puzzled!!!
Baby/Toodler food - Doctors do not know what is idly, rasam, dhal etc.. Mostly discussions with doctors go with ingredients than the dishes. Moms have to translate the discussions to match Indian foods. Same applies when they are sick. we get suggestions of rice crackers, jello, soup - How will I explain that idly & rasam are the best!!
Sleep training and Table manners - Two big open ended discussion topics for NRI moms.
I love cuddling with the baby and having him near me(even when I sleep). But we get advice of sleep training and NRI moms are victims of those advice. We do not have the tradition of having kids sleep in separate room. But some of us start following as we couldn't conclude. I can't sleep without my boys on my sides. Those bed-time kisses, hugs and rhymes cannot be replaced.
I feed my kids with hands. I carry them and walk around the tower to feed. I show them moon, trees, cars, dogs....I get weird looks from other country people. I do prefer this way than giving them phones & iPads!!!
Common Cold/stuffy nose: If no fever and just cold/stuffy nose, doctors do not treat for 2 weeks. In India we are used to doctors prescribing medicines for common cold. Our first few times goes with puzzled late nights as the kids suffer with stuffy nose and they cannot sleep.Then we get used to this and wait for two weeks before going to doctors.
Ok now the school!! - Teachers use the word "behavior" - right from the age of 3. They say his behavior is little bit off...he ran a lot & screamed a lot...we can work through it...What else the kids do!!..We nod our head and come back.
I remember an incident at Tharun's school. They have drop off & pick up sign-in process and parents have to sign up. One of the kids was crying that he wants the pen kept near the files..(those pens are may be 1$ use & throw pens). Both the parent and teacher struggling to stop the kid from asking the pen. If it would have been my mom/teacher, I am sure they would have given that pen as soon as the kid asked for it.
I still remember an incident at chuck e cheese during a B'day party. Tharun was on my shoulders(he was around 2years) and was touching balloons tied up on the next table. The person on that table called me "Excuse me, that is our balloon!!" haha....THE best incident of mine. I gave a stern look and told "I know!!!".
Two different societies - Ours is built of families..It is difficult to merge into a society built of individuals. Stuck in the vicious cycle of social pressures, it is a real struggle for us and is not oblivious...
No comments:
Post a Comment